Thoughts // rhythm vs routine

I was thinking recently about how our family has shifted and adapted, and slowly found a new rhythm as a family of six. If there is one thing I have learned by now, it is that babies grow up quickly - and each subsequent child seems to grow up twice as fast as the last. I think back to when I had just one baby. Time ticked on, but in an almost beautifully slow manner. By the time my first was six months old, I was ready for another one! And while we did want to space our children rather close together, after we had our second, I realized that we didn't need to be in quite such a rush. I wanted to be able to enjoy each baby. So, the first were a year and a half apart, and then, thanks to my body doing a natural spacing, a bit further apart, the spacing between the second and third was 28 months. We had three babies before the first one turned four years old. And LOVED it! 28 months later...here came our fourth. And we are LOVING it! I will admit, though, that the transition to four has been slightly more tricky than previous. It has nothing to do with the baby himself - he is the happiest, easiest going little babe around (and cute, too!) It's more that the first started kindergarten this year, and so now we have to work around a school schedule. The paradox about me - is that I am very well organized (think "type A", in that respect), yet thrive from living rhythmically rather than by a strict routine (think more laid back, "type B", apparently, somehow, the two can coexist!). Well, this year is the year our rhythm found a bit more routine - though I did leave it all quite open-ended. For the first time, I had to wake my kids up in the morning - all four - and get them out the door to drop our kindergartener off at school. And in the afternoon, I had to wake one or two up from napping to go pick him up. Or, one or two (sometimes even three!) would fall asleep in the car while we were waiting in the line to pick him up from school. So, that was new. It went quite smoothly, but it was different. And the days just flew right on by. Here we are now, school just about to be out, and we get to live by rhythm alone for the next couple of months. I am now actually okay with a little bit of routine, but am still most comfortable when routine and rhythm merge into something a bit more organic - a place where some things are firmly set in place, while others are yet very flexible. With several little people constantly growing, changing, and in flux as they learn, develop, and bloom, that is what works best for us. We choose very intentionally not to be involved in much of anything during these little years. We say "no" to a lot of outside activities so to say "yes" to have the time we need to create an environment of peace, calm - and fun! for our little ones at home. There is a time for everything, is there not? And this precious time when my children are so little, I choose to devote to them - not to living our lives from one activity or obligation to the next. It is certainly not popular to live like we do. Our kids are not yet involved in music, sports, or dance lessons. Yet - they are in their own way. We have dance parties in the living room, sing together - hey, Daddy has his guitar and Mama has her ukelele, too. We play soccer in the back yard. We put in lots of time hiking. Our son may not know how to throw a football, but he knows how to pitch a tent. Our little girls may not know all of the six positions of the practice of ballet - but they know their yoga poses, and they know how to twirl around the house, dancing in their perfectly wonderful world of imagination. Truthfully, we can't afford to sign our kids up for everything, either. However, even if we could - at this time, we would choose not to. The time will come when they all aren't so little anymore, and they will each have to make careful decisions about where they want to invest our money and their time. But for now - our rhythm is sweet and very simple. It is so very lovely. My hands are surely full - it is a different kind of busy - but I love it so very much. I have noticed, though, that I have not taken nearly as many pictures of our handsome baby, our fourth child. I blame Instagram for part of that ;) So, as he enters his seventh month with us here earth side, I took a moment one morning and crawled after him and caught a few of our Hudson Jude. Our fourth baby. Our second boy. He is just such a joy - such a blessing to our family. My heart just explodes every time I see his cherubic face and happy smile. This image is my favorite from the handful I took the other morning. Four kids is so fun. Certainly, there are moments of chaos, but likewise, there are certainly moments of all the best stuff - which moments make it all worth it.  The first few months I let things slide left and right as we straddled that place between rhythm vs routine - and finally found a happy middle ground...for now. I think part of the beauty of life is how the world keeps spinning, time keeps ticking, drums keep drumming, people keep dancing, babies keep growing...and we all keep changing, adapting, and evolving. All with the hope of gaining wisdom and experiences that will ultimately generate more love and gratitude for the gifts we are given. Oh, and we are given so very many. I'm deeply grateful and humbled to have this life to live, and to love. It's all a process and I have a ton to learn - but little by little, yes - little by little, I will learn. I feel so very blessed to have, among others, four of the best teachers around. I may have been custom made to be their best mama - but they were also custom made to be my best little teachers, and friends. Oh, how I love them so! 

Thoughts // four

Today marks four weeks since our sweet Hudson was born. It also marks four weeks since I have been the mother to four darling children. This is my dream come true! My arms and heart are simply over flowing with babies and my love for them couldn't be any bigger. I realized this morning that I had yet to take a single picture of all four of my babies together, and so I decided to give it a go - and surprisingly, though it started off rather loud, it got quiet and we had a small window where all were calm, and I was able to magically capture this most beautiful moment in time. An image for each child, and one of them all together. I couldn't ask for more! I will cherish these images for always, I know that. I keep looking at the sweet faces of my children and wondering, how it is that I've been so blessed? I am ever so humbled and grateful for the chance I have to be their mother, the one, along with their wonderful father, who has been entrusted to help give them life, and to guide, teach, walk beside, and love them throughout their earthly journey - and beyond. I surely have my short comings and the ups and downs of motherhood are so very real - yet I thank my lucky stars multiple times each day for this gift. It is what I was born to do, and what I have dreamed of for my whole life. If there is one thing I want my children to know, it's that they are loved. Oh, so very very loved. My four little loves - oh how I love you!

thoughts // one week new

Jacob took the three older kids to church services this morning, so I had a couple of hours of pure peace and quiet with my new little son. It's been a whole week since he came into our lives. Isn't it amazing how you can know someone for such a short amount of time, yet love them so fiercely? Also, to have known them for only a few days, yet feel as if you've known them forever? That, somehow, they've forever been a part of you? That's how it has been with each of my children, as they've joined our family earth side. I wonder frequently what the journey must be like for them - to be in heaven, waiting for their turn to come, and then in utero - as their bodies form and their spirit unites with their body to create a new human soul. How must it be? Seemingly, the next minute, here they are so fresh in our arms. And though I feel like I've waited a lifetime to meet each of them, it's as though I've known them all along. Perhaps I did. Just perhaps, our family is simply reuniting on this earth, for this time. And it is my hope that after this life, we will also be reunited, together, forever, a special family unit in a much grander scheme of life, creation, and growth. When my faith at times waivers, I cling to that promise, hope, and greatest desire, of an eternal family that is mine to love and cherish forever more. My sweet sweet baby boy is one week new to the world we live in, but he has been and will forever be in my heart. Oh, how I love him so! What a wonderful blessing is a new baby.

thoughts // a golden hour...

My wonderful husband was able to capture a few images recently, to remind us of this marvelous and golden hour of life, these last few weeks when we are waiting to meet our fourth child. While pregnancy is most certainly not always easy, there are moments that are truly amazing, like the first little flutters of movement, the little baby hiccups, or a little foot stretching out - and they just never get old. In fact, I feel as if each pregnancy I become more acutely aware of how precious these fleeting moments are, and of what a miracle it truly is to take part in the creation of a tiny little human body and soul. Of course, that's just the beginning, too. This is what I imagine to be the golden hour of my life - the time I always dreamed about, the time I am living now. Making babies, raising them up. Watching them grow and doing my best to be a kind, loving, fun, and knowledgable guide for them. I'm sure there will be other hours of life that we will love, but I do know that right now I am basking in this very hour: the childbearing years. We are so excited to meet our Hudson Jude - only a few more weeks until he is in our arms. What a beautiful moment it will be!

Thoughts // Ode to Mother Nature

I've been looking through a ton of photos the past week as I finally finished Hazel's baby book (now that she's almost 18 months old!) At Christmas, I like to do a "gift from the heart" and hers this year is her baby book. As I was sifting through pictures, I found this little series. This was in August when we were in Utah for Jacob's family reunion. We had a little solo time one day and so we took the kids up the canyon on a little hike. It was such a perfect, heavenly day. It is rare I am in front of the camera, so I'm grateful to Jacob for capturing a few frames of me and my baby Hazel. She is getting big so fast, even though she is still so little. She's like a little pixie. So darn cute :) Next week, she will be eligible to go to our church's nursery (for little people 18 months to 3 years old - Aspen is about to "graduate" in January). I can hardly believe I won't have a baby to chase down the hallway! It will be nice, but bittersweet for sure.

Sooooo much has happened this year. So much has happened since this little girl came into our lives. New job, new city, two moves, new house, new friends, new place...it has all been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Hazel has been such a blessing to have in our lives. We knew it would be crazy to plan to have a baby when we were planning on big moves and changes,(maybe not exactly how crazy, but we knew it would be crazy!) but we just couldn't wait for her to join us. So we went ahead and let her come. And we are so glad she did :) This is the time of my life I have looked forward to since I was a little girl myself. I was one of those little girls who was born loving babies. All I ever wanted to do was get married and be a mother. I was made to do this. So now, here I am, living my dream! 

Back to the photos...me and my baby Hazel in all our glory. :) I love being outside. I feel most authentic sans makeup or nice clothes. Thankfully, Jacob likes me best that way, too :) He loves his little hippie-hearted girl in the raw ;) I feel best with a baby on my hip, taking my time to enjoy nature with my family - no racing to end of the trail. Just stopping to enjoy. To notice. To breath. To take note of everything my senses are engaged with around me. One of our favorite things to do is to stop and just be silent and still. To listen. I also love to hold Jacob's hand, or help one of my kids climb a tree stump or identify a wildflower. Each of our children's name references the natural world, quite intentionally. That is my heavenly place. They, with Jacob, are my heaven. I am so thankful for the world God has given us. It is a broken place, but it is still bursting with beauty and goodness, too. 

I guess these images triggered some thoughts. So there they are. Ode to the peace and calm that mother nature brings:)

Thoughts // My One Son

Tonight I was looking at some photographs that I took over the summer, and I happened upon my boy. This is from when we were in Utah. We were driving by the Saltaire, and I had begged Jacob to pull over so I could study this unique building on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. I wanted to photograph it, of course (and who will appreciate the photos? no idea. But my husband knows that part of what makes life grand for me are little adventures, a little straying from time to time, a little "stop! right now!" to get a closer look at something...usually with my camera in hand). So, I hopped out of the rental car, and since the girls were both asleep in their carseats, Jacob said he'd stay in the car while I had a look around and explored for a few minutes. To my great pleasure, Sawyer piped up "wait! I want to go with you!" So, barefoot and all, out he hopped out to explore with me. I wish we had hours instead of a few minutes to explore together. As I looked at the pictures tonight, I saw the interesting architecture of the Saltaire, but what really caught me - grabbed me - pulled my heart right out of my chest - was the few frames I snapped of my one and only son. My first born. He is growing up so fast and getting so big on me these days. He turned five over the summer, and he is at such a delightful age. I mean, I've always loved him at every age and stage, but lately, he just makes me stop and look at him. He asks the best questions. He is just smitten with the world around him. Always a rock, stick, or little bug in hand. Almost never any shoes on his feet. Hardly ever a shirt, for that matter. He likes to either run around half naked (it IS hot here, so that is understandable), OR his favorite thing in the world to wear is his pajamas. A few weeks back, he had a growth spurt and outgrew almost all of his pjs. So, I took him shopping and we came home with 5 pair of new pjs. And then his Grammie surprised him with a couple pairs (dinosaurs and skeletons!) when we went to visit, so he is in no need of pajamas these days. He would love if every day was pajama day. On days we don't have anywhere to go, I often let him wear pajamas most of the day - until it gets to about dinner time and he wants a fresh pair. Anyway, my boy. I've asked him before if he thinks it would be fun to have a little brother someday (I think it would be great!) and he always says "mmm...I guess maybe. But I really like my sisters!" He loves his sisters. He is Aspen's very best friend, and he can make Hazel laugh better than anyone else. He's a loving and wonderful brother. And he has a good heart. He is full of energy, as boys should be. He likes to get dirty, play in the mud, go hiking, jump down the stairs from the highest point from which he can make it, climb trees, and he has a most wonderful imagination. He has his moments of pushing my buttons, like all children do, but WOW he is overall just a great little guy. I love him to pieces. This is the last year I have him home full time and I'm both super excited for this year with him, and also a little sad, not wanting it to pass too quickly. My Mama heart often wants my babies to stay little forever, but at the same time, it is so amazing to watch them learn and grow into the people they will become, day by day. Next week, we will be starting "homeschool" pre-k (for Sawyer) and preschool (for Aspen). They are SO excited. I'm excited, as I've got some wonderful stuff planned. I will save the academics for when they get to "real" school - this year is all about working together to figure out a few fun projects, spending a ton of time in Nature, reading together, creating and doing art together. And maybe learning to tie shoes or something important like that. ;) Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute and say how much I love my Sawyer. I'm so proud of the wonderful boy he is, and the amazing man he will be one day. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be his Mama. God is so good to have given me this amazing and sweet little son.

thoughts // today

It's been a little crazy, I won't lie. I am not a fan of moving and it makes me sick to think that within a year we are going to move AGAIN. (Only this time not very far, and we will be buying a home large enough for our family so that part will be exciting). I still have four boxes to unpack and for some reason just can't seem to get to it. This morning, when I was trying to make my bed, the kids ran in and decided it would be more fun to rip off the comforter and roll across the sheets (I guess I hesitated too long in deciding weather to strip the sheets or not today). My first inclination was to shoo them away - off to play elsewhere while I made the bed and got the baby dressed. But instead, I whipped out the camera. Somehow, I find great comfort with the camera in my hands, it helps me slow down to enjoy the moment I'm in - to really be present for a moment and see the life I have from one step back. The boxes will get unpacked...eventually. Everything will find a place...sooner or later. But sometimes these little ones just need me to halt what I'm doing and just be with them. Today. I don't think I've got one shot of the three of them yet - and I know it's never going to be perfect, so I might as well just catch them in the glorious moment of NOW. Little crazies and sillies! Sometimes they truthfully drive me crazy - but I still love them, all the time. They love each other, it's evident. Sawyer and Aspen are best friends, and they have welcomed Hazel into their circle with open arms. I love them all to pieces!

I sure do love them!

sunday afternoon

I wish I could say that Sunday is always a relaxing day...but the truth is...it is always a good day, but not always relaxing, at least for our family. Jacob seems to have done something that perpetuates a sign over his head that says "I'm a good guy. I'm a good leader." and in a church where the laymen are the leaders, he always seems to get picked. He dedicates a lot of time - his only spare time, really, as he's been working upwards of 70+ hours a week pretty much since Aspen's birth, to his duties and service related to his church assignments. Which means, early morning meetings before church, often after church, during the week etc. I fully acknowledge the blessings that flow into our lives because of the service we offer our fellowmen in our church assignments, but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally wish we could just have a lazy Sunday, or take a nap, or something. We try very hard to squeeze in a Sunday Stroll, but today it is a bit rainy and dreary. So, between meetings today, Jacob got to sit down for just a few minutes, and in that time, he played with Aspen. Or rather, she played with him? She was trying so hard to grab the little dots on his tie! And then, of course, she showered him with some spit up. It is just part of our lives these days :)

I so appreciate my good husband. I don't think he even knows how much. I wish I were better at letting him know. I'll have to work on that!

I also appreciate when he gets a few minutes to sit with us on a Sunday afternoon. I know he does, too. Sometimes I feel selfish, but maybe it's just natural, to always want my loved ones within arms reach. I truly relish the time we get to spend together. I try incredibly hard to be organized enough to have some time to spend just doing nothing or anything with my man and our babes. They are truly my everything, my greatest gifts.

I hope you all were able to spend a few minutes relaxing today, just enjoying your loved ones, doing nothing in particular, but at the same time, supremely enjoying each other's company.

Happy Sunday!

goodbye autumn...

I heart Jacob.

I heart Sawyer.

And I heart the time we got to spend together this weekend! The definite advantage of staying home for Thanksgiving was the extra time we had to spend together. Instead of spending two days traveling in a car or hustling through a busy airport to catch a flight, we instead got to go relax and spend time with each other in one of our favorite places: outdoors. "Black Friday" was anything but black for us. We headed out to enjoy the SUNSHINE, which was abundant and welcome. We hiked around Piper's Creek and ended up at Carkeek Beach, with a magnificent view of the majestic Olympic Mountains (sorry our camera couldn't do it justice :)

We also rented a couple of movies - something we rarely do - and did a few chores and errands together which will make my life much easier in the coming weeks. All in all, it was a wonderful and relaxing weekend and I realized once again how blessed I am to have two amazing guys in my life.

I also took some time to reflect as this season changes into winter...

In about 10 weeks, give or take, our little family is going to grow, and change, once Aspen is born. While part of me wishes she could just come already (I'm so tired of being sick and pregnant!) there is another part that thinks of all the things I would like to get done before she arrives, so that I can just relish those moments and days when she is so tiny and new. With that in mind, here is a small list of 10 Things to do in the next 10 Weeks, in no particular order. Some of them are one-time events, others, I will need to dedicate myself to do every day or several times a week. If I can just get these 10 things done before our new baby arrives, my mind will rest easier until next Spring :) I guess you could call these "nesting" activities? (And believe me, my list is much longer, but with the holidays coming and in an effort not to over-extend myself on those days I'm not feeling well...I thought 10 in 10 sounded pretty achievable.) I will report back after the holidays to let you know how it is going. Wish me luck!

1. Finish organizing/preparing the nursery (*also, figure out a plan and back up plan for what to do with Sawyer when we have to rush off to the hospital...). working on it. working on both... still working on both...progress has definitely been made...week 4: still working on it...next week will get down to serious business...seriously? another week has already passed? we hung up the shelf and I got all the baskets...sooooo close to being done! still need to just nail down our game plan for Sawyer - soon - what if she comes early? Super close to being done...just have to get another storage bin for outgrown clothes, and figure out if I am really going to hang up the small white paper lanterns - and where. I will wait on some frames I want to put up until I take some newborns ones of our little lady (and with any luck, her brother!). Good news: the plan and backup plan are taken care of! Thanks to the wonderful friends who have elected to help us out! I think I have been most worried about what will be going on with Sawyer while we're at the hospital more than anything else! At least now we have a plan and I can relax...a little ;) So, that part is: DONE. The lanterns can wait - everything else is COMPLETED.
2. Read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. have read 60 pages in week 1. up to page 130, week 2 (about 1/4 through). week 3: up to page 190.week 4: up to page 225. ooh, I slacked off this past week. I only read 5 pages. I did a lot better this week. I am up to page 300. week 7: I'm up to page 350 (out of 430) - as long as she doesn't come this week, I think I will be able to finish! Oops. She came 2 weeks early and I wasn't finished yet - but CLOSE!
3. Give myself a "spa" night and pedicure (can't afford a real spa, but my own is still relaxing). that's going to be thursday night, so i'll be ready to show off my toes when we dress up for dinner at Canlis on friday... it didn't end up happening thursday night...more like friday morning with Sawyer as my attendant...but my toes wound up a beautiful, bright red and I wore shoes to show them off (not that anyone was looking!)...my fingernails i painted clear, and watched them sparkle and shine... COMPLETED I might do this again in the next few weeks, sans Sawyer. I got some lavender bath stuff for Christmas I'd like to use, and freshen up the paint job on my toes :) I took the lavender bath. It was very relaxing. Especially since I only slept 2 hours the night before! (darn acid reflux!) COMPLETED.
4. Update my Little Red Wagon Photography website and business-related things so I can truly take the 3 months off I am planning on. haven't had time...yet. haven't had time...but getting closer to having a little more time to begin... i did update the slideshow and change/simplify the galleries. Not huge changes, but enough for now. still a bit more to do...week 4: didn't do anything this week, too busy with traveling and holidays. still haven't done much...still getting a couple of last orders filled before the "official" leave. All orders are off and I announced that I'm only Maternity Leave. Still need to do a few updates...but...I've had other things on my plate. week 7: yeah, this is another one that's kinda been set on the back burner. I did look through some paperwork, received all final payments - and can now sum the year up so that I can pay LOTS of taxes - yippee (when you work as a freelancer - you pay about 1/3 of your gain in taxes...lovely!)
5. Have a Girls Night Out with some girlfriends. this will happen sometime in january... am contemplating whether it should be a night out with a few friends, or lunch with one friend i rarely get to catch up with...hmm...still thinking on this...will make a final plan in the next two weeks! still thinking...but I know I need to make a plan if I want anyone to join me! I am deciding whether to give up on this idea. I feel too crummy to enjoy a really good night out...if I give up on this idea, maybe it will happen post-baby? SET ASIDE FOR LATER...
6. Go on at least one date a month with Jacob. have 2 planned in Dec.: 1 to go to Mint Design's holiday dinner (hooray for good friends and babysitting swaps!), and 2 yet to be determined...but my parents offered to babysit one evening while we're visiting during Christmas so we can do a little something...have 1 planned in Jan: combination celebration of our anniversary and my birthday since my due date will be sneaking up quickly. does leaving our boy in the gym's childcare center on Saturday morning and going for a swim and dipping toes in the hot tub count as a date? First Dec. date was last Friday at Canlis - it was awesome and we can't thank our friends enough for watching Sawyer. While in Oregon, family babysat Sawyer and Jacob and I went out to lunch - a cozy cafe "Seasons" we sat by a woodstove fire and had a relaxed conversation while eating great food and being cozy inside. This month's date is scheduled and my nanny-friend is going to come babysit. We did a swap, of sorts. She is even paying for dinner! The big event will celebrate both our anniversary and my birthday, together, in one fell swoop. I guess we better make it a really good date - maybe dinner and...a movie? Date night is this Saturday! I don't know if I'm up for a long night out - but for sure a good dinner at one of our fave places...even though my stomach is so squished/small now an appetizer will fill me up! COMPLETED. We went last night. Persian food and then Trophy Cupcakes for dessert. We rented a movie, but were too tired to watch it when we got home...so sometime this week we will watch "500 days of Summer" - the soundtrack looks great :)
7. Take a "me" morning and go shop for cute baby girl clothes. a january activity. I should probably pick a day and put it on the calendar so I am committed (although this will be fun, so not hard to do!) week 4: While in Oregon, I went shopping with my Mom at a couple of after-holiday sales...but am planning to make a list of what else Aspen needs to finish off with my own little shopping trip in the next couple of weeks. Well, I ended up just dragging Sawyer along, so the girl shopping with my mom better count. Jacob really wanted to play basketball at church this Saturday and I wanted to be done with the shopping - so I've been doing it little by little when I feel well enough to get out. I think we're good to go (for the most part) for the first 6 months! I'm such a bargain shopper! The shopping is done. It wasn't a "me" morning...but I had fun nonetheless. And I got some way cute stuff for her! COMPLETED.
8. Exercise at least 3 times a week (something I haven't been able to do since I was about 8 weeks preggo due to sickness...so workouts are defined by yoga, swimming, and walking, for now) and practice Hypnobirthing techniques at least 5 hours/week. week 1: did yoga once and walked once, but didn't practice relaxation techniques. it's been so busy - but i really need to make that a priority. i was a slacker here this week: i only did yoga, once, and still no hypnobirthing practice (can i blame it on my "work" load? and staying up til midnight and almost 3am?) Slacked again this week. i did yoga once (Sawyer is getting awfully good at some of the poses...and turning the TV off when I'm in the middle of a pose I need to breathe through and concentrate hard on...argh. I actually did practice hypnobirthing relaxation for about 90 minutes this week - i need to make this more of a priority! Aspen is coming soon! Amazingly, for it being the holidays and not being at home, I did yoga once this week. Practiced relaxation techniques for about 30 minutes - it will get better from here on out, I hope! Slacked again this week. Excuse: doc's orders? Well, she said to really really take it easy the next two weeks and then after that I can do anything I want (well, anything I feel like doing that is). I was still suppposed to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as I could...but I did do yoga once - it really helps my back feel better ;) week 7: I did much better in practicing my hypnobirthing and relaxation, and even a bit of breathing, this week. Labor will be coming fast! did yoga once. I haven't been the best at this goal...but also have to consider my poor body. I wish I felt well enough to work out during this pregnancy...but oh well. Maybe I'll train for another marathon (or half?) to make up for it once I'm no longer preggo and recovered. Maybe.
9. Finish designing and editing our Family 2009 Photo Album (I use Photoworks every year). i did upload a few more recent photos to our online album in prep. did nothing this week. i'm thinking i should schedule a few naptimes/evenings in early January to make this happen! i did nothing this week. week 4: I uploaded everything to current, besides Christmas. I did start working on the album this week! Started working hard-core on the book. About half-way done. Finished this week - all 80 pages! I'll order it next month when we budget for it! COMPLETED.
10. Meet with our attorney and finish our Estate Planning/make any revisions to the kid part with the addition of baby #2. contacted our attourney, just need to nail down one of two dates in Jan to meet with her. our date is pinned down for jan. 7th. We met with her this week and got the paperwork going - we just need to make some time to sit down and discuss a few of the details we need to for our "homework" and then send the papers in and get things all legalized! Still need to do our "homework", which shouldn't take long - I think we'll schedule an evening this week to get that done!

Thoughts // remembering...us

us.

I was visiting with a friend this morning who recently got engaged, and all of a sudden a flood of memories overtook me, as I remembered the feelings I had when Jacob and I got engaged 3 years ago last month. Sometimes it's way too easy for me to get caught up in the day-to-day and in feeling sick so often lately, and in trying to keep up with Sawyer and provide an enriching environment for him even when I don't feel like leaving the house a lot the past several months, and in cleaning and groceries and occasionally cooking dinner etc. etc. etc. that I forget to stop and reflect and just embrace it all and know that the highs and the lows are all part of the challenge and adventure that Jacob and I decided to share when we made the decision to share our love and lives when he put that ring on my finger. For those of you who know our engagement story - wow - it can't be beat. In one of the songs Jacob wrote for me and sang to me on the beach as we watched the sun rise and he got ready to get down on both knees in the sand to propose, he said "creating with me..." and look at what we have created thus far! Okay, now the pregnancy hormones have kicked in and I'm all teared up. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have Jacob be mine. I felt that way the day he proposed, and I feel it even deeper today. He is the best husband and father that I know (and I know a lot of good ones!) Time and again I am amazed at the patience and love he shows me even when I am not feeling well enough to show him the same in return. He has cared for me and often taken care of me throughout most of our marriage. Between getting mono the month after we were married, and now 2 pregnancies (and 1 miscarriage) - by the time we celebrate our 3rd anniversary I will have been either sick or slightly sick for almost a good 2 years of that time - and we will have almost 2 babies to show for it ;) Jacob is my dream come true: he encourages and allows me to spread my wings, but he knows as well as I do that I really soar when I am engaged in the causes of our life and what we create together. Thanks, my dear Jacob, for you. Also, for him, and soon, her. But mostly, at this moment, thanks - for us.