thoughts // a golden hour...

My wonderful husband was able to capture a few images recently, to remind us of this marvelous and golden hour of life, these last few weeks when we are waiting to meet our fourth child. While pregnancy is most certainly not always easy, there are moments that are truly amazing, like the first little flutters of movement, the little baby hiccups, or a little foot stretching out - and they just never get old. In fact, I feel as if each pregnancy I become more acutely aware of how precious these fleeting moments are, and of what a miracle it truly is to take part in the creation of a tiny little human body and soul. Of course, that's just the beginning, too. This is what I imagine to be the golden hour of my life - the time I always dreamed about, the time I am living now. Making babies, raising them up. Watching them grow and doing my best to be a kind, loving, fun, and knowledgable guide for them. I'm sure there will be other hours of life that we will love, but I do know that right now I am basking in this very hour: the childbearing years. We are so excited to meet our Hudson Jude - only a few more weeks until he is in our arms. What a beautiful moment it will be!

Maternity Pics

This week marks the 34th week of this pregnancy. I had never had "official" maternity pics taken before but decided I might as well at some point, since this is the third baby in my belly. It's pretty sweet when one of your best friends happens to be an incredible photographer who shares a similar vision. My friend, Allegra, graciously let our kids make a big mess in her house so she could take a few pics of my belly during a playdate one morning earlier this week. Originally, we had thought about going all out and going to some beautiful field or the beach or what not, but when I reflected on the pregnancy (and how yucky I've felt the entire time) I decided a more true reflection would be something more simple, classic, and cozy. I did wear a dress instead of yoga pants (I seriously thought about wearing yoga pants as that's what I wear 6 out of 7 days of the week) and I did take a little time to freshen up my face and actually do my hair...and I thought they turned out great (thanks so much Legs!) The kiddos of course weren't super cooperative since they wanted to either jump on the bed or run off and play with their friends, but we even managed to steal a couple of shots with the big brother and big sister to be. Even though I felt slightly vain getting photos of myself - I know that one day I will look back and treasure that this moment in time is captured. The moment we wait for Hazel to join our forever family. We are so ready and excited for our new baby girl to be born so we can cuddle and kiss her! 

30 weeks

We stopped by the park by our home on the way home from church yesterday - I wanted to take pics of the kids in their Easter attire (next post), but we went ahead and got a couple of me as well - everything around here is blooming so we might as well show my blooming belly! Here is the baby Hazel belly - growing every day :) The doctor says she is likely going to be petite, which is no surprise considering our track record. We are just soooo excited to meet her - can hardly wait! And, I have to admit, I'm excited to NOT be pregnant. I love the outcome but it sure is a long ride for me (especially with the girls that make me so sick! No offense to our lovely girls, but I am totally crossing my fingers for another boy next time around!)

goodbye autumn...

I heart Jacob.

I heart Sawyer.

And I heart the time we got to spend together this weekend! The definite advantage of staying home for Thanksgiving was the extra time we had to spend together. Instead of spending two days traveling in a car or hustling through a busy airport to catch a flight, we instead got to go relax and spend time with each other in one of our favorite places: outdoors. "Black Friday" was anything but black for us. We headed out to enjoy the SUNSHINE, which was abundant and welcome. We hiked around Piper's Creek and ended up at Carkeek Beach, with a magnificent view of the majestic Olympic Mountains (sorry our camera couldn't do it justice :)

We also rented a couple of movies - something we rarely do - and did a few chores and errands together which will make my life much easier in the coming weeks. All in all, it was a wonderful and relaxing weekend and I realized once again how blessed I am to have two amazing guys in my life.

I also took some time to reflect as this season changes into winter...

In about 10 weeks, give or take, our little family is going to grow, and change, once Aspen is born. While part of me wishes she could just come already (I'm so tired of being sick and pregnant!) there is another part that thinks of all the things I would like to get done before she arrives, so that I can just relish those moments and days when she is so tiny and new. With that in mind, here is a small list of 10 Things to do in the next 10 Weeks, in no particular order. Some of them are one-time events, others, I will need to dedicate myself to do every day or several times a week. If I can just get these 10 things done before our new baby arrives, my mind will rest easier until next Spring :) I guess you could call these "nesting" activities? (And believe me, my list is much longer, but with the holidays coming and in an effort not to over-extend myself on those days I'm not feeling well...I thought 10 in 10 sounded pretty achievable.) I will report back after the holidays to let you know how it is going. Wish me luck!

1. Finish organizing/preparing the nursery (*also, figure out a plan and back up plan for what to do with Sawyer when we have to rush off to the hospital...). working on it. working on both... still working on both...progress has definitely been made...week 4: still working on it...next week will get down to serious business...seriously? another week has already passed? we hung up the shelf and I got all the baskets...sooooo close to being done! still need to just nail down our game plan for Sawyer - soon - what if she comes early? Super close to being done...just have to get another storage bin for outgrown clothes, and figure out if I am really going to hang up the small white paper lanterns - and where. I will wait on some frames I want to put up until I take some newborns ones of our little lady (and with any luck, her brother!). Good news: the plan and backup plan are taken care of! Thanks to the wonderful friends who have elected to help us out! I think I have been most worried about what will be going on with Sawyer while we're at the hospital more than anything else! At least now we have a plan and I can relax...a little ;) So, that part is: DONE. The lanterns can wait - everything else is COMPLETED.
2. Read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. have read 60 pages in week 1. up to page 130, week 2 (about 1/4 through). week 3: up to page 190.week 4: up to page 225. ooh, I slacked off this past week. I only read 5 pages. I did a lot better this week. I am up to page 300. week 7: I'm up to page 350 (out of 430) - as long as she doesn't come this week, I think I will be able to finish! Oops. She came 2 weeks early and I wasn't finished yet - but CLOSE!
3. Give myself a "spa" night and pedicure (can't afford a real spa, but my own is still relaxing). that's going to be thursday night, so i'll be ready to show off my toes when we dress up for dinner at Canlis on friday... it didn't end up happening thursday night...more like friday morning with Sawyer as my attendant...but my toes wound up a beautiful, bright red and I wore shoes to show them off (not that anyone was looking!)...my fingernails i painted clear, and watched them sparkle and shine... COMPLETED I might do this again in the next few weeks, sans Sawyer. I got some lavender bath stuff for Christmas I'd like to use, and freshen up the paint job on my toes :) I took the lavender bath. It was very relaxing. Especially since I only slept 2 hours the night before! (darn acid reflux!) COMPLETED.
4. Update my Little Red Wagon Photography website and business-related things so I can truly take the 3 months off I am planning on. haven't had time...yet. haven't had time...but getting closer to having a little more time to begin... i did update the slideshow and change/simplify the galleries. Not huge changes, but enough for now. still a bit more to do...week 4: didn't do anything this week, too busy with traveling and holidays. still haven't done much...still getting a couple of last orders filled before the "official" leave. All orders are off and I announced that I'm only Maternity Leave. Still need to do a few updates...but...I've had other things on my plate. week 7: yeah, this is another one that's kinda been set on the back burner. I did look through some paperwork, received all final payments - and can now sum the year up so that I can pay LOTS of taxes - yippee (when you work as a freelancer - you pay about 1/3 of your gain in taxes...lovely!)
5. Have a Girls Night Out with some girlfriends. this will happen sometime in january... am contemplating whether it should be a night out with a few friends, or lunch with one friend i rarely get to catch up with...hmm...still thinking on this...will make a final plan in the next two weeks! still thinking...but I know I need to make a plan if I want anyone to join me! I am deciding whether to give up on this idea. I feel too crummy to enjoy a really good night out...if I give up on this idea, maybe it will happen post-baby? SET ASIDE FOR LATER...
6. Go on at least one date a month with Jacob. have 2 planned in Dec.: 1 to go to Mint Design's holiday dinner (hooray for good friends and babysitting swaps!), and 2 yet to be determined...but my parents offered to babysit one evening while we're visiting during Christmas so we can do a little something...have 1 planned in Jan: combination celebration of our anniversary and my birthday since my due date will be sneaking up quickly. does leaving our boy in the gym's childcare center on Saturday morning and going for a swim and dipping toes in the hot tub count as a date? First Dec. date was last Friday at Canlis - it was awesome and we can't thank our friends enough for watching Sawyer. While in Oregon, family babysat Sawyer and Jacob and I went out to lunch - a cozy cafe "Seasons" we sat by a woodstove fire and had a relaxed conversation while eating great food and being cozy inside. This month's date is scheduled and my nanny-friend is going to come babysit. We did a swap, of sorts. She is even paying for dinner! The big event will celebrate both our anniversary and my birthday, together, in one fell swoop. I guess we better make it a really good date - maybe dinner and...a movie? Date night is this Saturday! I don't know if I'm up for a long night out - but for sure a good dinner at one of our fave places...even though my stomach is so squished/small now an appetizer will fill me up! COMPLETED. We went last night. Persian food and then Trophy Cupcakes for dessert. We rented a movie, but were too tired to watch it when we got home...so sometime this week we will watch "500 days of Summer" - the soundtrack looks great :)
7. Take a "me" morning and go shop for cute baby girl clothes. a january activity. I should probably pick a day and put it on the calendar so I am committed (although this will be fun, so not hard to do!) week 4: While in Oregon, I went shopping with my Mom at a couple of after-holiday sales...but am planning to make a list of what else Aspen needs to finish off with my own little shopping trip in the next couple of weeks. Well, I ended up just dragging Sawyer along, so the girl shopping with my mom better count. Jacob really wanted to play basketball at church this Saturday and I wanted to be done with the shopping - so I've been doing it little by little when I feel well enough to get out. I think we're good to go (for the most part) for the first 6 months! I'm such a bargain shopper! The shopping is done. It wasn't a "me" morning...but I had fun nonetheless. And I got some way cute stuff for her! COMPLETED.
8. Exercise at least 3 times a week (something I haven't been able to do since I was about 8 weeks preggo due to sickness...so workouts are defined by yoga, swimming, and walking, for now) and practice Hypnobirthing techniques at least 5 hours/week. week 1: did yoga once and walked once, but didn't practice relaxation techniques. it's been so busy - but i really need to make that a priority. i was a slacker here this week: i only did yoga, once, and still no hypnobirthing practice (can i blame it on my "work" load? and staying up til midnight and almost 3am?) Slacked again this week. i did yoga once (Sawyer is getting awfully good at some of the poses...and turning the TV off when I'm in the middle of a pose I need to breathe through and concentrate hard on...argh. I actually did practice hypnobirthing relaxation for about 90 minutes this week - i need to make this more of a priority! Aspen is coming soon! Amazingly, for it being the holidays and not being at home, I did yoga once this week. Practiced relaxation techniques for about 30 minutes - it will get better from here on out, I hope! Slacked again this week. Excuse: doc's orders? Well, she said to really really take it easy the next two weeks and then after that I can do anything I want (well, anything I feel like doing that is). I was still suppposed to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as I could...but I did do yoga once - it really helps my back feel better ;) week 7: I did much better in practicing my hypnobirthing and relaxation, and even a bit of breathing, this week. Labor will be coming fast! did yoga once. I haven't been the best at this goal...but also have to consider my poor body. I wish I felt well enough to work out during this pregnancy...but oh well. Maybe I'll train for another marathon (or half?) to make up for it once I'm no longer preggo and recovered. Maybe.
9. Finish designing and editing our Family 2009 Photo Album (I use Photoworks every year). i did upload a few more recent photos to our online album in prep. did nothing this week. i'm thinking i should schedule a few naptimes/evenings in early January to make this happen! i did nothing this week. week 4: I uploaded everything to current, besides Christmas. I did start working on the album this week! Started working hard-core on the book. About half-way done. Finished this week - all 80 pages! I'll order it next month when we budget for it! COMPLETED.
10. Meet with our attorney and finish our Estate Planning/make any revisions to the kid part with the addition of baby #2. contacted our attourney, just need to nail down one of two dates in Jan to meet with her. our date is pinned down for jan. 7th. We met with her this week and got the paperwork going - we just need to make some time to sit down and discuss a few of the details we need to for our "homework" and then send the papers in and get things all legalized! Still need to do our "homework", which shouldn't take long - I think we'll schedule an evening this week to get that done!

Our itty bitty baby bump

We were at the park at a birthday party yesterday and someone was asking me how I was feeling, etc. and another person said "what? you're pregnant?" The first person joked, and said, "yes, the first time she was pregnant you couldn't tell until about the last couple weeks she looked a little bloated..." I laughed. I didn't get that huge with my first pregnancy (pretty normal, right?) and people always commented how "small" I was. I, on the other hand, hoped and prayed to get a soccer-ball-round-preggo belly to show off, sooner than I did. Well, maybe this time around I'll get my wish! I already feel bigger than I did the first time. I also feel like I am carrying lower (which may be a good thing later on for my ribcage!) I want to make sure to document things for our second child as well as we did for the first. It has been a little harder since we've been crazy busy the last few weeks and also because I felt horrible the last 10 weeks - but slowly, I am feeling a little better. Definitely more tempermental/moody this time, probably from feeling so sick (my poor hubby! I'm so lucky he's so patient with me...).

Hooray for baby bumps (even itty bitty ones!) No doubt it's gonna be getting a LOT B.I.G.G.E.R. in the next few months!

Guess who's going to be sharing his toys?

Sawyer is!!! Although, little does he know, he's going to be sharing a lot more than just his toys. The tradeoff: a lifetime buddy!

Yes, as of tomorrow I will be 8 weeks pregnant. It's funny, because I always know, almost instantaneously, that I am pregnant. (Well, 3 times anyway - 1 was a miscarriage). This time, there was no way to mistake it: my moods were swinging in an uncommon fashion, my breasts were tender (I'm still nursing Sawyer so I didn't think that would be a factor this time, but surely - sorely, it is), fatigue set it, and nausea set in earlier and so far a bit more fiercely than before. The biggest difference, though: my ravishing hunger. Yes, growing a new baby and feeding a bigger one all at once takes a LOT of calories. I have never been so hungry - I feel like I'm just grabbing at food all day - in my life.

Sawyer and his new baby brother or sister will be 19 months apart. He is just not going to get it for a while, I'm afraid. Or, maybe he'll catch on more than we think. He is a smart cookie, afterall :) Baby #2 should arrive early to mid February.

In the meantime, we are enjoying our summer! We started parent-tot swim class last week which is twice a week for a month at an outdoor pool in Magnolia. In August, we have class every day for two weeks! It's great to count on a little time in the pool on a hot day! And it makes me have to get out of the house even when I'm feeling not-so-good at times. But I can't complain too much, because while maybe I don't feel quite-so-good at times, I also don't feel so-so-bad at all. It could be much worse!

Here's to our new little one! We are excited to see him or her grow, along with my belly, in the weeks to come. Wish us luck!

The belly

Recently, I've had a few requests to see how big my belly is--so this post is for all of you who've inquired! So, this coming week will mark the half-way point of our pregnancy. That's 20 weeks of our little baby growing and stretching out my belly. I guess if you consider a baby like a "bun in the oven", then our baby is "half-baked" as of Wednesday! I'm really excited for the ultrasound and also a little nervous. I realize the real reason they're doing it isn't to figure out what color we should paint the nursery, but to make sure everything looks good and healthy and the baby has a complete set of fingers and toes, etc. So I'll keep praying that everything will look great!

Jacob hates it when I say "oh my, look how fat I'm getting!" He corrects me and says "you mean, pregnant -- and you're supposed to, and you look great!" Apparently my belly isn't that big for being almost 5 months pregnant, and a few people have asked where I'm hiding the baby...but I'm sure most of you can tell my belly is getting bigger and I'm pretty sure that any day now it is gonna pop right out there and I'll find myself waddling down the street. At least for now I'm not waddling, so I can't complain. I really shouldn't complain at all!

Anyway...We'll keep you posted on our growing baby in my growing belly!

baby kicks!

I found this picture on the internet. Apparently, this is about what a baby looks like at 18 weeks, which is now how far along we are. Getting pretty cute, eh? Well, I must admit that pregnancy is not as fun as I had always dreamed about. Insomnia, yet being incredibly fatigued, aversions to certain foods and smells (including my husband's Lucky cologne and certain brands of toothpaste!) etc. I haven't thrown up once, but I haven't felt myself, either. But now, I realize, I haven't gone to bed at 8 o'clock for the past two weeks. I stayed up all the way to ring in the new year and have had several late nights trying to organize and clear out our 2nd bedroom, which is becoming the nursery. I guess this pregnancy thing is getting better! I am also finally starting to get a little belly - not round yet, but certainly soon enough! The best part of all, is that last week I started feeling our baby kicking and moving around! A week or two before that I felt a few little flutters and wondered if it was the baby or just my imagination, but this week I have felt the little one moving around doing pilates or gymnastics, or whatever, every day! Now that is exciting! And I can hardly wait to see the little one two weeks from today on screen - for my birthday! Hopefully this little baby will cooperate so it's mommy can start calling him/her by his/her real name on my birthday! Yeah for babies in bellies!!!

PS- A big THANKS to Jacob for being so patient with me - even when I cried recently over spilled milkshakes! (now that's a story to be told!)